I just had a sad realization. Before I get into the details, I should say that like most people my age I recognize that the Disney princesses, while pretty awesome, are not the strongest female role models. They all kind of wander around aimlessly until they find their prince and ride off into the sunset, but whatever. This being said, my personal favorite (Belle) is a book reading, prince saving, badass! But my sister’s favorite is so, so, far from awesome; that is what I just realized.
Arial is without a doubt the worst Disney princess; and this is why.
Ariel is a princess in the underwater city of Atlantica. Her dad and sisters clearly care about her and while she does share a room with like seven other people, life seems pretty golden. She gets to swim around all day, sharks seem to stay out of the city limits, and she’s a redhead with no freckles and no opportunity to get a sunburn, she’s got it pretty good. But does she recognize this? Not even a little. Lets take a look at a few of her brilliant acts.
1. For starters, let’s re-establish the fact that she is only 16 years old when her whole story goes down. 16!
2. She’s constantly sneaking out and doing the one thing her dad has asked her not to do. Going to the surface to talk to a seagull and spy on the humans.
3. She’s like the original “Material Girl.” Seriously. I blame her for Paris Hilton. “I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty, I've got whozits and whatzits galore. You want thingamabobs? I've got twenty! But who cares? No big deal, I want more.” I mean seriously, this chick has an entire cavern full of stuff that no other merperson has and she’s still not happy. Come on, your life is not that bad, stop being so angsty.
4. She sees Prince Eric like once and decides she’s in love with him and that it’s worth giving up her home, family, and lifestyle to go try to make him fall for her. Forget getting to know him or anything, that’s just a waste of time. Then her dad finds all this out and yells at her and destroys all her human stuff. You’d think this would have been the end of her little adventure, but no, it’s just the beginning.
5. After she gets punished, instead of, I don’t know, learning her lesson she goes to the evil witch, sells her voice, gets legs, and goes to the surface all without permission, without a realistic plan, and with a fall back plan of being turned into a squiggly worm / seaweed thing if it doesn’t work out up on the surface. Awesome, great plan Ariel, great plan.
She goes on to do some more semi-absurd things but nothing quite so dumb. But then we get to the end and everything works out for her. Sea witch gets killed, daddy gives her legs, and she gets married at 16. I mean really, what’s the moral here?
Ariel < Belle, that’s all I’m saying.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Things I Will Never Understand
1. Why the German language capitalizes all of its nouns.
2. Why salt / baking soda / baking power come in such large amounts. I always end up throwing the bulk of it out because I feel like it is old.
3. Why bologna and lasagna don’t rhyme.
4. Where my phone goes when I put it in my purse and then can’t find it for 10 minutes.
5. How my keys end up in such bizarre places. (Under my armchair, in the fridge, etc.)
6. Chemistry.
7. Why nothing rhymes with orange; it’s just so sad.
8. How people like to eat liver. It’s an organ whose function is to filter poison, I mean seriously.
9. Why things that taste so good are almost always so bad for you.
10. Why it is so easy to procrastinate and so difficult to start studying.
2. Why salt / baking soda / baking power come in such large amounts. I always end up throwing the bulk of it out because I feel like it is old.
3. Why bologna and lasagna don’t rhyme.
4. Where my phone goes when I put it in my purse and then can’t find it for 10 minutes.
5. How my keys end up in such bizarre places. (Under my armchair, in the fridge, etc.)
6. Chemistry.
7. Why nothing rhymes with orange; it’s just so sad.
8. How people like to eat liver. It’s an organ whose function is to filter poison, I mean seriously.
9. Why things that taste so good are almost always so bad for you.
10. Why it is so easy to procrastinate and so difficult to start studying.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Universal Truths as Seen by Me
1. I will never manage to get all of my socks in the same load of laundry.
2. There is no correct way to fold a fitted sheet, just give up; it’s always going to look stupid.
3. Most old cartoons were way better than the new ones.
4. There is a vortex in the bottom of my purse that transports my keys to ridiculous places.
5. The remote is never close enough.
6. The person who finally invents and fully circulates the “sarcasm font,” will be a millionaire.
7. You will always lose the roll of tape before using it up, unless it’s Christmastime.
8. Cutting a sandwich into two triangles makes it taste better than if you had left it a square.
9. Every roof has something bizarre on it. (Frisbee, deflated basketball, etc.)
10. There is definitely a clause in one of those Apple Terms of Use Agreements that makes them the owner of your soul.
11. If you read the book first, it’s better than the movie. Always.
12. Nobody knows where all the metal coat hangers came from.
13. Car washes will always be fun.
14. Automatic toilets only work 50% of the time.
15. I have no idea why I constantly type the word “suck” when I mean “such.” (Note: I just did it while trying to write the word such.)
2. There is no correct way to fold a fitted sheet, just give up; it’s always going to look stupid.
3. Most old cartoons were way better than the new ones.
4. There is a vortex in the bottom of my purse that transports my keys to ridiculous places.
5. The remote is never close enough.
6. The person who finally invents and fully circulates the “sarcasm font,” will be a millionaire.
7. You will always lose the roll of tape before using it up, unless it’s Christmastime.
8. Cutting a sandwich into two triangles makes it taste better than if you had left it a square.
9. Every roof has something bizarre on it. (Frisbee, deflated basketball, etc.)
10. There is definitely a clause in one of those Apple Terms of Use Agreements that makes them the owner of your soul.
11. If you read the book first, it’s better than the movie. Always.
12. Nobody knows where all the metal coat hangers came from.
13. Car washes will always be fun.
14. Automatic toilets only work 50% of the time.
15. I have no idea why I constantly type the word “suck” when I mean “such.” (Note: I just did it while trying to write the word such.)
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Things That Annoy Me
1. People who think being a business major is easy / that it involves no real work.
2. People who pronounce an “X” in the word especially. There is no “X” there. Stop saying it.
3. People who use the word “obviously,” in presentations. Actually, I didn’t do the same project as you so that finding was not obvious. But thanks for making me feel like an idiot.
4. People who don’t grasp sarcasm. Get with the generation people; we’re a flock of dry humored cynics, keep up.
5. Forgetting something you were thinking about.
6. People who write the wrong version of the word “your.” If you want to attribute a characteristic to someone, it’s “you’re funny,” or “you’re an ignorant buffoon.” People don’t own funny. People should not own ignorant buffoons. Your grammar makes my soul die a little more each day.
7. Anyone and everyone who frequently says, “totes,” “adorbs,” and/or “presh.” For the love of God just say the whole word. Saying these words makes you the exact opposite of adorbs.
8. The noise “um.” I want it out of today’s vernacular. It makes us sound like idiots. I both hate myself every time I utter it and lament for others every time they do.
9. People who always put “lol” in all caps. Why are you yelling at me about your laughter?
10. That baby that is always wailing in the grocery store. You know the one.
2. People who pronounce an “X” in the word especially. There is no “X” there. Stop saying it.
3. People who use the word “obviously,” in presentations. Actually, I didn’t do the same project as you so that finding was not obvious. But thanks for making me feel like an idiot.
4. People who don’t grasp sarcasm. Get with the generation people; we’re a flock of dry humored cynics, keep up.
5. Forgetting something you were thinking about.
6. People who write the wrong version of the word “your.” If you want to attribute a characteristic to someone, it’s “you’re funny,” or “you’re an ignorant buffoon.” People don’t own funny. People should not own ignorant buffoons. Your grammar makes my soul die a little more each day.
7. Anyone and everyone who frequently says, “totes,” “adorbs,” and/or “presh.” For the love of God just say the whole word. Saying these words makes you the exact opposite of adorbs.
8. The noise “um.” I want it out of today’s vernacular. It makes us sound like idiots. I both hate myself every time I utter it and lament for others every time they do.
9. People who always put “lol” in all caps. Why are you yelling at me about your laughter?
10. That baby that is always wailing in the grocery store. You know the one.
Monday, November 21, 2011
The Plight of the Peace Lily
You may remember me posting about a peace lily at the beginning of the summer; the one that was dying. The one I foolishly thought I could save. I was young, naive even; let me bring you up to speed.
When we last left off in the story of the internship lily I had it pretty well under control, at about the beginning of the school year though, things started going down hill.
As those of you who read my blog may know, in my time at my internship I have moved around a lot. From my little desk, to the regional managers desk, to a cubicle, and finally to my current work area which is a counter sort of space by the windows on the back of my building. The lily has come with me through it all, however, when I was in my cubicle I had to set it on the ledge of Jake’s in order for it to get sunlight.
I came into the office one day, soon after classes had begun, and the frosted glass had been put on the tops of the new cubicles (see photo) so my lily had been put on the counter behind Jake’s cubicle (the same counter I now reside at). In just a few short weeks I was also moved to this space.
I put the lily next to me and continued to water it but something was wrong, it didn’t seem happy, watering it no longer made it perk up, neither did its plant food, I was at a loss.
I decided my best plan was to re-pot it so I took it home, went to Lowes, bought potting soil and a bigger pot (one with holes in the bottom), put a layer of rocks in the bottom, put dirt in, put the plant in, and covered it with more dirt. I watered it and it perked up. I was thrilled!
I then proceeded to forget to take the plant back to the office for about a month and a half, it was fine at my house though. In hindsight, it might have fared better if I had just left it at my house, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
I finally remembered to bring the lily back and I put it on my desk next to my computer. As I was back by the windows now, I thought it would be fine there. It was not fine there.
Over the past few months, I have watered and cared for it as best I can, but it still insists on dying. If you look at the photo you can see it dies in little spots, slowly…slowly….slowly……
Last week I had a thought that maybe it was getting too cold back here so I moved it up to the front desk where it would be warmer. I pruned off the dead parts this morning and I’m hoping they won’t come back. I will continue to water it despite it’s lack of a will to live.
I decided to stay on at my current internship next semester but now I’m a little worried, I may have to resign gracefully before the lily totally dies and I get fired. As of now I’m keeping the dream alive that the lily will get out of its funk though.
Pray for us.
When we last left off in the story of the internship lily I had it pretty well under control, at about the beginning of the school year though, things started going down hill.
As those of you who read my blog may know, in my time at my internship I have moved around a lot. From my little desk, to the regional managers desk, to a cubicle, and finally to my current work area which is a counter sort of space by the windows on the back of my building. The lily has come with me through it all, however, when I was in my cubicle I had to set it on the ledge of Jake’s in order for it to get sunlight.
I came into the office one day, soon after classes had begun, and the frosted glass had been put on the tops of the new cubicles (see photo) so my lily had been put on the counter behind Jake’s cubicle (the same counter I now reside at). In just a few short weeks I was also moved to this space.
I put the lily next to me and continued to water it but something was wrong, it didn’t seem happy, watering it no longer made it perk up, neither did its plant food, I was at a loss.
I decided my best plan was to re-pot it so I took it home, went to Lowes, bought potting soil and a bigger pot (one with holes in the bottom), put a layer of rocks in the bottom, put dirt in, put the plant in, and covered it with more dirt. I watered it and it perked up. I was thrilled!
I then proceeded to forget to take the plant back to the office for about a month and a half, it was fine at my house though. In hindsight, it might have fared better if I had just left it at my house, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
I finally remembered to bring the lily back and I put it on my desk next to my computer. As I was back by the windows now, I thought it would be fine there. It was not fine there.
Over the past few months, I have watered and cared for it as best I can, but it still insists on dying. If you look at the photo you can see it dies in little spots, slowly…slowly….slowly……
Last week I had a thought that maybe it was getting too cold back here so I moved it up to the front desk where it would be warmer. I pruned off the dead parts this morning and I’m hoping they won’t come back. I will continue to water it despite it’s lack of a will to live.
I decided to stay on at my current internship next semester but now I’m a little worried, I may have to resign gracefully before the lily totally dies and I get fired. As of now I’m keeping the dream alive that the lily will get out of its funk though.
Pray for us.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Databases are Evil
Mua-ha-ha-ha Butler databases! I have rendered you unnecessary! I have gone around your roadblocks! I have beaten you and your sadistic ways!
Back-story time…
I’m writing a paper for my econ class about how the Massachusetts health reform effected / is still effecting safety net health care providers. I needed to find a reference that was listed in an article I read so I took to the Butler databases.
Honestly, I’m not even sure why I bothered. In the four years I have been here I don’t think I’ve managed to make them do my bidding even once. But I digress; I went looking and found the article on a database. It would only allow me to see the first 150 words though. I tried expanding the text but it wanted a username, I tried my butler username and it wanted me to activate it, I tried to activate it and it asked me for information I simply don’t have.
Not one to be daunted I called the office of the library people who help with the databases. I got their voicemail.
I called the library and spent a few minuets explaining my situation to the front desk person. She put me on hold in order to go ask her supervisor. She transferred my call without telling me. I got the database people’s voicemail again. I severed all potential ties with the library desk girl.
Then I went to campus; I assumed using a campus computer would solve my problem. It didn’t. I asked one of the library workers. We fought gallantly with the databases, swords, control codes, and hand grenades were involved; we could not make it yield.
Then we had a stroke of brilliance! Aided by the dewey decimal system we located the article in a book entitled Archives of Internal Medicine Vol. 169.
That’s right! I found my information in a book! Take that 21st century technology! You just had your ass handed to you by a printing press.
Back-story time…
I’m writing a paper for my econ class about how the Massachusetts health reform effected / is still effecting safety net health care providers. I needed to find a reference that was listed in an article I read so I took to the Butler databases.
Honestly, I’m not even sure why I bothered. In the four years I have been here I don’t think I’ve managed to make them do my bidding even once. But I digress; I went looking and found the article on a database. It would only allow me to see the first 150 words though. I tried expanding the text but it wanted a username, I tried my butler username and it wanted me to activate it, I tried to activate it and it asked me for information I simply don’t have.
Not one to be daunted I called the office of the library people who help with the databases. I got their voicemail.
I called the library and spent a few minuets explaining my situation to the front desk person. She put me on hold in order to go ask her supervisor. She transferred my call without telling me. I got the database people’s voicemail again. I severed all potential ties with the library desk girl.
Then I went to campus; I assumed using a campus computer would solve my problem. It didn’t. I asked one of the library workers. We fought gallantly with the databases, swords, control codes, and hand grenades were involved; we could not make it yield.
Then we had a stroke of brilliance! Aided by the dewey decimal system we located the article in a book entitled Archives of Internal Medicine Vol. 169.
That’s right! I found my information in a book! Take that 21st century technology! You just had your ass handed to you by a printing press.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
True Life: I'm Addicted to Facebook
I had two exams this week, I was not being effective at studying, due to my inability to exhibit self control over my Facebook usage, so I decided to make a change. I had a friend change my password for the week. It’s been interesting.
Monday Evening – I need to start studying. I just asked someone to take Facebook away from me. I miss it.
Tuesday Morning – Hello world, better log onto Faceb… drat.
Tuesday Afternoon – Bored in class, finish typing in the address before I remember I can’t log in.
Later Tuesday - I start asking people to check my Facebook page for me. They won’t. Why did I do this to myself?
Wednesday Morning – First exam was this morning. It was way more difficult than I was anticipating. I wanted to vent on Facebook. I couldn’t.
Wednesday Afternoon – I’m feeling cut off from the world. This allows time for reflection. Why am I so addicted to checking this website? This may not be healthy!
Thursday Afternoon - I'm baaaack
Monday Evening – I need to start studying. I just asked someone to take Facebook away from me. I miss it.
Tuesday Morning – Hello world, better log onto Faceb… drat.
Tuesday Afternoon – Bored in class, finish typing in the address before I remember I can’t log in.
Later Tuesday - I start asking people to check my Facebook page for me. They won’t. Why did I do this to myself?
Wednesday Morning – First exam was this morning. It was way more difficult than I was anticipating. I wanted to vent on Facebook. I couldn’t.
Wednesday Afternoon – I’m feeling cut off from the world. This allows time for reflection. Why am I so addicted to checking this website? This may not be healthy!
Thursday Afternoon - I'm baaaack
Monday, October 10, 2011
Russia Rocks
So recently I have noticed that I have [a] semi-consistent reader(s) in Russia. This is awesome! I can't think of who I know in Russia which leads me to believe it is a stranger who finds me amusing! (If I do know someone in Russia and am just forgetting I apologize profusely.) At any rate, I thought I would say hello to my Russian Reader(s) and let you know that I think you're just swell.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Jumanji...
I’m having flashbacks to my childhood nightmares as I sit in the library attempting to study. For, as those of you I am a friend with on facebook may have already seen, my life is looking a little too much like Jumanji.
See the photo if you don’t believe me.
There is a plant inching its way down from the second floor and I fully expect it to spit an orange or purple dart at my friend Sarah any second now. This is most distressing! I don't know the proper cure for someone who gets shot in the neck with a poisonous plant dart! I never learned that in my science class! I am woefully unprepared to deal with this situation!
After this who knows what could happen? The floor could turn to quicksand, giant assorted bugs could wreak havoc, a deranged military man could come after me! The possibilities are endless! My soda is moving right now, I’m guessing stampede, not the fact that I’m bouncing my leg.
See the photo if you don’t believe me.
There is a plant inching its way down from the second floor and I fully expect it to spit an orange or purple dart at my friend Sarah any second now. This is most distressing! I don't know the proper cure for someone who gets shot in the neck with a poisonous plant dart! I never learned that in my science class! I am woefully unprepared to deal with this situation!
After this who knows what could happen? The floor could turn to quicksand, giant assorted bugs could wreak havoc, a deranged military man could come after me! The possibilities are endless! My soda is moving right now, I’m guessing stampede, not the fact that I’m bouncing my leg.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Oh Hey Prepared Kyley
I took one of the more intense exams of my college career today. I’ve had difficult exams, don’t get me wrong, but honestly, I am usually really bad about studying for them. Therefore when I get into the exam I tend to not know a few questions, I skip them, and I get the exam done rather quickly. Not so today.
For some reason, I decided I should study for this exam. And boy did I. I filled out the seven page long, size ten font, typed up study guide, I re-wrote it on my legal notepads (I highly recommend these for note taking, no spiral on your wrist = excellent), and I read, read, and re-read.
Then I got to the exam. I read the first question and knew the answer. Read the second and knew it as well. Read the third and...Then I realized what I’d gotten myself into. By actually preparing for the exam I had decimated my time efficiency. The professor whose exam this was likes to give very long exams. I filled an entire blue book! It was absurd. My hand actually hurt when I was done! I have never had an exam take me so long.
On the plus side I really feel like I knew what I was talking about. We will see on Wednesday I suppose. Fingers crossed.
For some reason, I decided I should study for this exam. And boy did I. I filled out the seven page long, size ten font, typed up study guide, I re-wrote it on my legal notepads (I highly recommend these for note taking, no spiral on your wrist = excellent), and I read, read, and re-read.
Then I got to the exam. I read the first question and knew the answer. Read the second and knew it as well. Read the third and...Then I realized what I’d gotten myself into. By actually preparing for the exam I had decimated my time efficiency. The professor whose exam this was likes to give very long exams. I filled an entire blue book! It was absurd. My hand actually hurt when I was done! I have never had an exam take me so long.
On the plus side I really feel like I knew what I was talking about. We will see on Wednesday I suppose. Fingers crossed.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Levels of Hipsterism
My sister thinks I am a hipster, she tells me so on a semi regular basis. I do not think I am a hipster, I tell her so on about the same time frame. All of this aside, the other day we were discussing hipsterism and how it effects our lives. We came to the conclusion that our little brother is probably a hipster, that I exhibit some hipsteresque qualities, and that Nikita is a scientist observing hipsters in their natural environment. She came up with a pseudo-list of qualifications.
For starters, it is important to note that if you are so hipster that you actively identify yourself as a hipster, you’ve gone too far and your lifestyle is no longer ironic. You have reached hipster burnout. This is a place you never want to be.
If you don’t need to wear glasses but you own one pair of thick black frames you’re okay. If you own three or more pairs of thick black frames, you’re a hipster.
If you buy all of your groceries at places like Whole Foods, Fresh Market, or Trader Joe’s, you’re a hipster. Supplementing basic groceries with items from these stores however does not qualify you.
Shopping at the grocery stores listed above leads you to our next hipster realization. You most likely don’t even eat the food you pay so much for. It is way more ironic if you pay too much and then donate the food to starving children. Even better though, if you donate the food to obese children! So much more ironic.
Hipsters have a rather distinct fashion sense. Nikita and I decided that this is not a choice. Rather, they spend so much money on their whole foods that they cannot afford to buy new clothes so they shop at secondhand stores. This is a totally acceptable thing to do! You have gone too far however, when you begin buying new clothes, throwing them away, and then going through the dump to “re-discover” them a few days later.
Lastly, my sister and I both blog (if you're reading this than clearly you know I do but I digress). We have decided blogging is fine, but if blogging is your main form of communication and/or social interaction, you guessed it, hipster.
This is my sisters blog, it talks about pharmacyness, sometimes it's funny but sometimes it's not: http://respharmlife.blogspot.com/
For starters, it is important to note that if you are so hipster that you actively identify yourself as a hipster, you’ve gone too far and your lifestyle is no longer ironic. You have reached hipster burnout. This is a place you never want to be.
If you don’t need to wear glasses but you own one pair of thick black frames you’re okay. If you own three or more pairs of thick black frames, you’re a hipster.
If you buy all of your groceries at places like Whole Foods, Fresh Market, or Trader Joe’s, you’re a hipster. Supplementing basic groceries with items from these stores however does not qualify you.
Shopping at the grocery stores listed above leads you to our next hipster realization. You most likely don’t even eat the food you pay so much for. It is way more ironic if you pay too much and then donate the food to starving children. Even better though, if you donate the food to obese children! So much more ironic.
Hipsters have a rather distinct fashion sense. Nikita and I decided that this is not a choice. Rather, they spend so much money on their whole foods that they cannot afford to buy new clothes so they shop at secondhand stores. This is a totally acceptable thing to do! You have gone too far however, when you begin buying new clothes, throwing them away, and then going through the dump to “re-discover” them a few days later.
Lastly, my sister and I both blog (if you're reading this than clearly you know I do but I digress). We have decided blogging is fine, but if blogging is your main form of communication and/or social interaction, you guessed it, hipster.
This is my sisters blog, it talks about pharmacyness, sometimes it's funny but sometimes it's not: http://respharmlife.blogspot.com/
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Reasons I’m Not Studying:
1. It’s more fun to watch cartoons.
2. I suspect a direct correlation between the time I spend studying and the number of kittens that are sick in the world.
3. Because I’m thinking of an answer for when people ask me about the above suspected correlation.
4. Because my room needed to be cleaned…then when that was done it made me realize how shabby my closet looked… and my desk……
5. As it is clusters week, I believe that the total study time allocated for 745 is being hyper utilized, so I am holding off in order to save resources.
6. Because I really needed to re-organize all of my stuff.
7. Because it was vital that I watch an entire season of the big bang theory.
8. Because I fear I will become too smart and alienate those around me with my superior intellect.
9. Because in 5 years, it probably won’t matter whether or not I study.
10. Because I fear a paper cut.
11. Because my hunger strike for world peace came to an abrupt end when I got really hungry so I decided to fast from studying instead. It’s for the greater good.
12. Because I just really, really, really… don’t want to.
2. I suspect a direct correlation between the time I spend studying and the number of kittens that are sick in the world.
3. Because I’m thinking of an answer for when people ask me about the above suspected correlation.
4. Because my room needed to be cleaned…then when that was done it made me realize how shabby my closet looked… and my desk……
5. As it is clusters week, I believe that the total study time allocated for 745 is being hyper utilized, so I am holding off in order to save resources.
6. Because I really needed to re-organize all of my stuff.
7. Because it was vital that I watch an entire season of the big bang theory.
8. Because I fear I will become too smart and alienate those around me with my superior intellect.
9. Because in 5 years, it probably won’t matter whether or not I study.
10. Because I fear a paper cut.
11. Because my hunger strike for world peace came to an abrupt end when I got really hungry so I decided to fast from studying instead. It’s for the greater good.
12. Because I just really, really, really… don’t want to.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Stop Pimping Out the Intern
Update, work is getting crazy. I’m currently working on two and a half out of department projects as well as a few dealing with marketing. This being said, I’ve drawn a connection between being an intern and being a hooker. Now don’t think about that too much or you’ll wander into a realm I want you to STAY AWAY from. There is nothing illicit happening at my internship! However…
If we think in terms of time and how a pimp arranges things for the hookers he manages, I’m totally under the power of an internship pimp! I have so many different people from tons of different departments coming and asking me for help on projects. Don’t get me wrong, I like being busy and I like the things I’m doing, but I find the situation comical.
I may need to pull a Pretty Woman and remind my boss that, “I say who, I say when, I say how much!” Oh wait… the intern gets to say none of those things… clearly intern is fancy name for business prostitute (not to be confused with a geisha).
If we think in terms of time and how a pimp arranges things for the hookers he manages, I’m totally under the power of an internship pimp! I have so many different people from tons of different departments coming and asking me for help on projects. Don’t get me wrong, I like being busy and I like the things I’m doing, but I find the situation comical.
I may need to pull a Pretty Woman and remind my boss that, “I say who, I say when, I say how much!” Oh wait… the intern gets to say none of those things… clearly intern is fancy name for business prostitute (not to be confused with a geisha).
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Anger
Dear Twain Printing Jerkface,
We are not friends. You know who you are. You’re the only other senior in this class. And still, we are not friends. I want to ask you a question, why did you feel that it was appropriate to print the entire works of Mark Twain to the lab printer that only prints one sided? It’s bad enough that you are printing upwards of fifty pages that you could probably buy for $4.99 on Amazon Classics but you have to do so on a slow lab printer that does not have the ability to print on both sides of the page? I mean what kind of tree hating sadist are you?
Now I’m stuck sitting here (you’re already gone which leads me to believe that the last 30 or so pages of your tree killing massacre will just get thrown out) waiting for my papers to print after yours because I don’t want to go print them again somewhere else. Do you know what I could be doing right now? Eating for starters! I do not have time to do so on days like this because I come straight from work. I would have loved to go get some nourishment, but no, I’m stuck here, listening to your stuff print off. Hoping against hope that the printer can get to mine before I have to leave for my next class.
I know you’ll probably never read this, but I simply don’t care. I’ve got nothing better to do while I sit in this cold empty lab than write this letter to you. I hope you're happy, evil printing person. Additionally, I hope karma bites you in the butt!
Sincerely,
Your New Nemesis
We are not friends. You know who you are. You’re the only other senior in this class. And still, we are not friends. I want to ask you a question, why did you feel that it was appropriate to print the entire works of Mark Twain to the lab printer that only prints one sided? It’s bad enough that you are printing upwards of fifty pages that you could probably buy for $4.99 on Amazon Classics but you have to do so on a slow lab printer that does not have the ability to print on both sides of the page? I mean what kind of tree hating sadist are you?
Now I’m stuck sitting here (you’re already gone which leads me to believe that the last 30 or so pages of your tree killing massacre will just get thrown out) waiting for my papers to print after yours because I don’t want to go print them again somewhere else. Do you know what I could be doing right now? Eating for starters! I do not have time to do so on days like this because I come straight from work. I would have loved to go get some nourishment, but no, I’m stuck here, listening to your stuff print off. Hoping against hope that the printer can get to mine before I have to leave for my next class.
I know you’ll probably never read this, but I simply don’t care. I’ve got nothing better to do while I sit in this cold empty lab than write this letter to you. I hope you're happy, evil printing person. Additionally, I hope karma bites you in the butt!
Sincerely,
Your New Nemesis
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Why yes, I am a senior…
Well, I started off my last first day of school strong this morning.
Lets backtrack, about two weeks ago I got overzealous and made up my schedule one day when things were slow at work. It was all color coded and spectacular and had all my classes, their names, the professors, and perhaps most importantly, their locations.
Then this morning I walk to campus, I’m feeling pretty good, chipper. I go to HB235 where my class is supposed to be and there are people in it. Professors pass and say hello to me. The people in the room leave and we all go in. I realize I recognize basically no one in the room. I turn to the girl next to me and ask what class this is. It’s French. I am so not supposed to be in French class. I leave the room and get out my computer to find that they have moved my class. I am distraught. I scurry to the correct room and walk in.
“I printed my schedule too soon,” I say, “I was in French class.”
On the plus side, I walked in right after my name had been called for attendance so good timing I guess?
I checked my schedule then when I got home and found that another of my classes has been moved. I’m ready now though, they won’t get me again. Bring it on senior year.
Bring.
It.
On.
Lets backtrack, about two weeks ago I got overzealous and made up my schedule one day when things were slow at work. It was all color coded and spectacular and had all my classes, their names, the professors, and perhaps most importantly, their locations.
Then this morning I walk to campus, I’m feeling pretty good, chipper. I go to HB235 where my class is supposed to be and there are people in it. Professors pass and say hello to me. The people in the room leave and we all go in. I realize I recognize basically no one in the room. I turn to the girl next to me and ask what class this is. It’s French. I am so not supposed to be in French class. I leave the room and get out my computer to find that they have moved my class. I am distraught. I scurry to the correct room and walk in.
“I printed my schedule too soon,” I say, “I was in French class.”
On the plus side, I walked in right after my name had been called for attendance so good timing I guess?
I checked my schedule then when I got home and found that another of my classes has been moved. I’m ready now though, they won’t get me again. Bring it on senior year.
Bring.
It.
On.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Quotes from Canada eh!
Well, my trip to Canada has come and gone. It was a lot of fun and I plan to write about it later. This post, however, is for a little vacation project I did. During my epic sojourn to the land above, it was decided that hilarious quotes should be recorded and then documented for posterity. The people saying these outstanding things will be:
1. Myself (Kyley)
2. Octavia (Friend who went on the trip with me)
3. Lucy (a British girl who stayed in the same room with us at the hostel, just finished university)
4. Louisa (another British girl who stayed in the same room with us at the hostel, 28, a French and German teacher) and
5. The VIA Train woman (works at the Toronto station)
I will be providing some back-story to help the quotes make more sense. Enjoy.
Situation One: The scene, it’s two in the morning, raining, Octavia and I have stopped at a rest area. We come back out to the car and Octavia proceeds to fumble around in her bag for about a minute and a half looking for her keys.
“Dude, I just want you to know, if this were a horror movie, we would so be dead by now.”- Kyley
Situation Two: We have arrived in Canada! Whilst trying to navigate we come to a red light which Octavia turns at.
“Can you turn right on red in Canada?”- Me
“I don’t know, if not I’ll just plead the fifth.”- Octavia
“We’re not in America!”- Me
“Oh yeah…”- Octavia
Situation Three: After much laughter, Octavia has a thought.
“We should really write down all the good quotes from this trip.”- Octavia
(Okay, so that quote is not actually that funny, but it was at the time because I’d already started doing so via facebook.)
Situation Four: On the train getting close to Toronto. I am annoyed because I can’t see ahead to tell if we are close.
“You know, trains are really bad for trying to see forward.” -Me
“Yeah, but the side view is really good for when you’re like, going around a mountain!”- Octavia
*Blank Stare*- Me
Situation Five: Still on the train, getting ever closer to Toronto.
“Oh! Oh!! I see it!!! … No, wait; it was nothing. Never mind. Don’t write that down.” -Octavia
Situation Six: At dinner with Louisa (see person number 4 above). We are talking about the youth today and how we think we were not as vulgar as they are. Louisa tells us that she agrees, and that she has realized she really needs to keep up with current slang. We ask why and she tells us because she had a student saying the word “growler” in her double period (two hour) class one day. She did not know what the word meant. After class, she asked some of the other teachers and was informed that…
“I let him say vagina in my class! Vagina!! For two hours!!!” -Louisa
Situation Seven: Octavia and I leave the hostel one morning. We pass the building pictured.
“Ooo, I love the deer!” -Octavia
“Those are moose.” -Me
*Laughter*
Situation Eight: It’s late, Louisa, Octavia, and I are going to bed, Lucy is not back yet. The following conversation ensues.
“Should I shut the door?” -Louisa
“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll just open it when she gets back.” -Me
“Well yeah, I’m sure she’ll open it! I didn’t very well think she’d walk through it!”- Louisa
*laughter*- Louisa & Octavia
“Yeah, I’m going to go to sleep before I say anything else absurd.” -Me
Situation Nine: Octavia, Lucy, Louisa, and I are in Chinatown eating dinner. Louisa all of the sudden gets very excited and says:
“Oh my gosh, guess what I saw today?!”
“What?” -Lucy
“A chipmunk!!” -Louisa
“No! Those are real?? I thought they were just in the movies!” -Lucy
“Me too! But I saw a chipmunk and a groundhog and a raccoon!” -Louisa
“That’s wild!” –Lucy
At this point Octavia and I have both totally lost it. Apparently in England they don’t have the same rodents as in North America. Additionally, they must think that these animals are all just some huge prank and fabrication put on by the Disney Company.
Situation Ten: Still at dinner, still talking about the differences in animals in our respective countries.
“The seagulls are much bigger in England.” –Louisa
“Oh, do they have like this? *makes motion of elongating chin*” –Me
“That’s a pelican!” –All
“Oh, right, wow, I feel stupid.” –Me
“Write it down! If the chipmunk goes in the book than so does this!” –Louisa
Situation Eleven (The last situation): At the train station getting ready to head back to Windsor. Octavia sees people moving to our gate so we join them. We get to the front of the line.
“And why are you pre-boarding today?” –VIA train lady
“Umm… I don’t know.” *winning smile* –Me
*Odd look* “Well… okay, next time just wait in the line though.” –VIA train lady
“Okay!” –Me and Octavia
So, that’s it. Maybe these are not as hilarious if you were not actually there but I hope you found them at least slightly amusing. I will write about my adventures soon, but until then, stay excellent!
1. Myself (Kyley)
2. Octavia (Friend who went on the trip with me)
3. Lucy (a British girl who stayed in the same room with us at the hostel, just finished university)
4. Louisa (another British girl who stayed in the same room with us at the hostel, 28, a French and German teacher) and
5. The VIA Train woman (works at the Toronto station)
I will be providing some back-story to help the quotes make more sense. Enjoy.
Situation One: The scene, it’s two in the morning, raining, Octavia and I have stopped at a rest area. We come back out to the car and Octavia proceeds to fumble around in her bag for about a minute and a half looking for her keys.
“Dude, I just want you to know, if this were a horror movie, we would so be dead by now.”- Kyley
Situation Two: We have arrived in Canada! Whilst trying to navigate we come to a red light which Octavia turns at.
“Can you turn right on red in Canada?”- Me
“I don’t know, if not I’ll just plead the fifth.”- Octavia
“We’re not in America!”- Me
“Oh yeah…”- Octavia
Situation Three: After much laughter, Octavia has a thought.
“We should really write down all the good quotes from this trip.”- Octavia
(Okay, so that quote is not actually that funny, but it was at the time because I’d already started doing so via facebook.)
Situation Four: On the train getting close to Toronto. I am annoyed because I can’t see ahead to tell if we are close.
“You know, trains are really bad for trying to see forward.” -Me
“Yeah, but the side view is really good for when you’re like, going around a mountain!”- Octavia
*Blank Stare*- Me
Situation Five: Still on the train, getting ever closer to Toronto.
“Oh! Oh!! I see it!!! … No, wait; it was nothing. Never mind. Don’t write that down.” -Octavia
Situation Six: At dinner with Louisa (see person number 4 above). We are talking about the youth today and how we think we were not as vulgar as they are. Louisa tells us that she agrees, and that she has realized she really needs to keep up with current slang. We ask why and she tells us because she had a student saying the word “growler” in her double period (two hour) class one day. She did not know what the word meant. After class, she asked some of the other teachers and was informed that…
“I let him say vagina in my class! Vagina!! For two hours!!!” -Louisa
Situation Seven: Octavia and I leave the hostel one morning. We pass the building pictured.
“Ooo, I love the deer!” -Octavia
“Those are moose.” -Me
*Laughter*
Situation Eight: It’s late, Louisa, Octavia, and I are going to bed, Lucy is not back yet. The following conversation ensues.
“Should I shut the door?” -Louisa
“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll just open it when she gets back.” -Me
“Well yeah, I’m sure she’ll open it! I didn’t very well think she’d walk through it!”- Louisa
*laughter*- Louisa & Octavia
“Yeah, I’m going to go to sleep before I say anything else absurd.” -Me
Situation Nine: Octavia, Lucy, Louisa, and I are in Chinatown eating dinner. Louisa all of the sudden gets very excited and says:
“Oh my gosh, guess what I saw today?!”
“What?” -Lucy
“A chipmunk!!” -Louisa
“No! Those are real?? I thought they were just in the movies!” -Lucy
“Me too! But I saw a chipmunk and a groundhog and a raccoon!” -Louisa
“That’s wild!” –Lucy
At this point Octavia and I have both totally lost it. Apparently in England they don’t have the same rodents as in North America. Additionally, they must think that these animals are all just some huge prank and fabrication put on by the Disney Company.
Situation Ten: Still at dinner, still talking about the differences in animals in our respective countries.
“The seagulls are much bigger in England.” –Louisa
“Oh, do they have like this? *makes motion of elongating chin*” –Me
“That’s a pelican!” –All
“Oh, right, wow, I feel stupid.” –Me
“Write it down! If the chipmunk goes in the book than so does this!” –Louisa
Situation Eleven (The last situation): At the train station getting ready to head back to Windsor. Octavia sees people moving to our gate so we join them. We get to the front of the line.
“And why are you pre-boarding today?” –VIA train lady
“Umm… I don’t know.” *winning smile* –Me
*Odd look* “Well… okay, next time just wait in the line though.” –VIA train lady
“Okay!” –Me and Octavia
So, that’s it. Maybe these are not as hilarious if you were not actually there but I hope you found them at least slightly amusing. I will write about my adventures soon, but until then, stay excellent!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Intern Win
So, a man that I work with has a running joke where he asks my boss to go to Dairy Queen and bring him back a Dilly Bar. Due to the recent heat wave, this has been happening with increasing frequency. Last week alone I recall him making this request at least three times. Now I, as an avid supporter of ice cream, I think this is a brilliant idea! So whenever Ike would ask Jake to go I would say, “Ooo! Bring me one too please!” But Jake always said no, he didn’t want it to melt, didn’t want Ike to get diabetes, worried he’d get attacked by a yeti on his way back, etc. This leads us to today.
My boss, Jake, is on vacation this week which is really quite sad for him considering the events of this afternoon. This being said, today while waiting to gain access to a site I need to use to finish a project, I decided to go get some food. Then I had the brilliant idea to go to DQ and bring back Dilly Bars. I did so. I walked into Ike’s office, tossed one on his desk, and walked out as he said, “You are awesome!”
Shortly thereafter this email (with photo) was sent to my boss.
“After years of asking one was finally delivered today (see picture)!!! In a related note Kyley has been promoted to Marketing Coordinator and you are now her intern.”
Win.
My boss, Jake, is on vacation this week which is really quite sad for him considering the events of this afternoon. This being said, today while waiting to gain access to a site I need to use to finish a project, I decided to go get some food. Then I had the brilliant idea to go to DQ and bring back Dilly Bars. I did so. I walked into Ike’s office, tossed one on his desk, and walked out as he said, “You are awesome!”
Shortly thereafter this email (with photo) was sent to my boss.
“After years of asking one was finally delivered today (see picture)!!! In a related note Kyley has been promoted to Marketing Coordinator and you are now her intern.”
Win.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
I’m going on a trip, eh?
So, I’m very excited at present because I am going on a trip soon! So far in my adult life I have gone on one trip, one! This is simply unacceptable! Granted it was an awesome trip (to St. John, USVI) but still, how can I ever hope to become a well seasoned world traveler if I am in a constant state of remaining sedentary? I’ve yet to even actually leave the country! But all of this will be changing, albeit in a small way, on August 9th!
I’m going to Canada! Land of maple leaves and Mounties and… things I will learn more aboot when I’m there! I’m 97.3% sure I will blog about the trip when I get back but I want to talk about the planning part first. So, I’m going with my best friend from high school. Since I never use real names we’re going to call her Pentarial, which is really funny if you know her real name, trust me. Well, actually, I’ll probably post photos later anyway which defeats the purpose of concealing her identity so her name is Octavia. Get it now? Octa to Penta, Avia to Arial? Trust me, it’s hilarious.
Originally we were going to go to Prince Edward Island, but when we found out it would be about $1000 each to fly there we changed our minds. I did some research looking to see if it would be less if we got to Canada and then flew. It was a little but still pretty pricy. But what I learned was we could drive to Ontario (which is only 3 hours from my hometown, absurd, I know) and then catch a train to Toronto. So that’s what we decided to do.
Now here come some of the fun parts.
I have a discover card because they’re awesome, I get cash back and my card looks like this.
Canada does not like discover though, so when I went to order our tickets online I had to use my Chase card (which looks much less radical). After two failed attempts to use said Chase Visa, I was told I’d attempted to use a nonexistent card too many times. As I was holding my card in my hand, this was very difficult for me to understand. Clearly, it was, in fact, in existence. So I called the Train Company. We were having a lovely little chat aboot my upcoming trip and the woman had just helped me to order the tickets, given me the confirmation number, and asked me a leading question when my phone died. And just like that I became that rude American. So sad. So I ran to find a phone charger and promptly called back Canada. I could not get the same woman though, so on the off chance that you ever read this my kind Canadian helper, please know you were very helpful and yes, I am excited about my trip.
So, now I have the tickets booked! We are taking the train from Ontario at 5. It’s going to be a long drive but we can sleep on the train then so it should be fine. That’s the train by the way. I mean probably not the train, but one from the company we’re using.
After getting the tickets I had to book our hostel. This went much more smoothly than the train part. We’re staying here. It’s
called The Planet Traveler and it’s the greenest hostel in North America. Solar energy, geothermal/heat transfer, photovoltaic electricity, wastewater heat reclamation, all that. I’m really excited about it, plus the whole place uses LED lights so it takes less energy to light it for a day than it does to run a hairdryer.
So yeah, we have not totally decided what we are going to do while we’re there but we are right in the epicenter so I think it should be a fun trip. I will write about it when I get back for sure!
I’m going to Canada! Land of maple leaves and Mounties and… things I will learn more aboot when I’m there! I’m 97.3% sure I will blog about the trip when I get back but I want to talk about the planning part first. So, I’m going with my best friend from high school. Since I never use real names we’re going to call her Pentarial, which is really funny if you know her real name, trust me. Well, actually, I’ll probably post photos later anyway which defeats the purpose of concealing her identity so her name is Octavia. Get it now? Octa to Penta, Avia to Arial? Trust me, it’s hilarious.
Originally we were going to go to Prince Edward Island, but when we found out it would be about $1000 each to fly there we changed our minds. I did some research looking to see if it would be less if we got to Canada and then flew. It was a little but still pretty pricy. But what I learned was we could drive to Ontario (which is only 3 hours from my hometown, absurd, I know) and then catch a train to Toronto. So that’s what we decided to do.
Now here come some of the fun parts.
I have a discover card because they’re awesome, I get cash back and my card looks like this.
Canada does not like discover though, so when I went to order our tickets online I had to use my Chase card (which looks much less radical). After two failed attempts to use said Chase Visa, I was told I’d attempted to use a nonexistent card too many times. As I was holding my card in my hand, this was very difficult for me to understand. Clearly, it was, in fact, in existence. So I called the Train Company. We were having a lovely little chat aboot my upcoming trip and the woman had just helped me to order the tickets, given me the confirmation number, and asked me a leading question when my phone died. And just like that I became that rude American. So sad. So I ran to find a phone charger and promptly called back Canada. I could not get the same woman though, so on the off chance that you ever read this my kind Canadian helper, please know you were very helpful and yes, I am excited about my trip. 
So, now I have the tickets booked! We are taking the train from Ontario at 5. It’s going to be a long drive but we can sleep on the train then so it should be fine. That’s the train by the way. I mean probably not the train, but one from the company we’re using.After getting the tickets I had to book our hostel. This went much more smoothly than the train part. We’re staying here. It’s
called The Planet Traveler and it’s the greenest hostel in North America. Solar energy, geothermal/heat transfer, photovoltaic electricity, wastewater heat reclamation, all that. I’m really excited about it, plus the whole place uses LED lights so it takes less energy to light it for a day than it does to run a hairdryer. So yeah, we have not totally decided what we are going to do while we’re there but we are right in the epicenter so I think it should be a fun trip. I will write about it when I get back for sure!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Sorry So Serious
I know that generally my blog is comedic in nature (at least I try to make it so). Today, however, I feel like I want to write about something more serious. Yesterday, the news broke that Borders Bookstore was going under. They are liquidating entirely and will cease to exist, anywhere. I hate this fact.
Let me start by saying, I am slightly biased. I love words, writing, reading, books, everything. Additionally, I do buy books via Amazon. It's less expensive, fast, and the books come to me, what more could I want? Just because I sometimes buy on Amazon though, does not mean I support all of their endeavors.
I am not a fan of the Kindle. I don’t like the Nook. I don’t want to read a book on my iPad, iPod, phone, computer, or any other electronic device. Where my sadness about Borders stems from is that its demise is a direct effect of the electronic book age.
Thinking back to when I was younger, some of my fondest memories involve books. I know that every time I went to the mall in the “big city,” I asked if we could go over to Borders as well. I would walk around marveling at all the books. Now I know I probably sound like a freak but I just don’t care. I feel very strongly about my disproval of electronic readers and books.
Reading a book is an experience to me. Beyond the normal reading. It’s holding the heavy volume, turning the pages, watching myself progress through the story. It’s knowing that I will have that story for years to come, knowing I can share it with others. It’s having that book displayed on a shelf where it can be noticed and lead to discussions with others who have experienced it. I just don’t think I could get that from an eBook.
Most of all, I hate the idea of my children not knowing what books really are. The idea that they might not get to see, smell, and feel an actual paperbound book sort of breaks my heart. Maybe I’m alone here, I know several people who love their Kindle’s, Nook’s, etc; they like being able to carry hundreds of books at once. I see that as unnecessary. I apologize for the rant, but next time you buy an electronic book just remember that that is one less book future generations will have the ability to hold.
What do you think of the book vs. eBook debate? Should Borders have done more to create something like the Nook?
Let me start by saying, I am slightly biased. I love words, writing, reading, books, everything. Additionally, I do buy books via Amazon. It's less expensive, fast, and the books come to me, what more could I want? Just because I sometimes buy on Amazon though, does not mean I support all of their endeavors.
I am not a fan of the Kindle. I don’t like the Nook. I don’t want to read a book on my iPad, iPod, phone, computer, or any other electronic device. Where my sadness about Borders stems from is that its demise is a direct effect of the electronic book age.
Thinking back to when I was younger, some of my fondest memories involve books. I know that every time I went to the mall in the “big city,” I asked if we could go over to Borders as well. I would walk around marveling at all the books. Now I know I probably sound like a freak but I just don’t care. I feel very strongly about my disproval of electronic readers and books.
Reading a book is an experience to me. Beyond the normal reading. It’s holding the heavy volume, turning the pages, watching myself progress through the story. It’s knowing that I will have that story for years to come, knowing I can share it with others. It’s having that book displayed on a shelf where it can be noticed and lead to discussions with others who have experienced it. I just don’t think I could get that from an eBook.
Most of all, I hate the idea of my children not knowing what books really are. The idea that they might not get to see, smell, and feel an actual paperbound book sort of breaks my heart. Maybe I’m alone here, I know several people who love their Kindle’s, Nook’s, etc; they like being able to carry hundreds of books at once. I see that as unnecessary. I apologize for the rant, but next time you buy an electronic book just remember that that is one less book future generations will have the ability to hold.
What do you think of the book vs. eBook debate? Should Borders have done more to create something like the Nook?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Top Life Advice I've Been Given Slash Lessons I’ve Learned
1. Don’t cut in line.
2. Don’t pout; a bird will come land on your lip and then poop on your chin.
3. Don’t try to ride in a Cozy Coupe if you’re too big.
4. Save your tears for crying over the big things.
5. Check if there is a wasp on something before you grab it.
6. If the snow looks higher in one spot don’t assume it’s a hill, you will get stuck and have to have your grandpa come pull you out.
7. Bikes have breaks for a reason.
8. Bikes have breaks for a reason.
9. Bikes have breaks for a reason.
10. If the school corn looks too perfect it probably tastes nasty.
11. Once a year, go through your clothes and donate what you don’t wear.
12. Don’t let fear rule your life.
13. If something scares you keep confronting it until it doesn’t anymore.
14. Trust your gut.
15. Don’t give up.
16. Break the rules every once in a while.
17. Do not get caught when you are breaking said rules.
18. Drive carefully.
19. Make good choices.
20. Be there for your friends but don’t let their life dictate yours.
21. Don’t be a tramp.
22. Watch cartoons regardless of how old you are.
23. If you see a boy you like go up to him and say, “Hey, you’re cute, you should buy me dinner sometime.”
2. Don’t pout; a bird will come land on your lip and then poop on your chin.
3. Don’t try to ride in a Cozy Coupe if you’re too big.
4. Save your tears for crying over the big things.
5. Check if there is a wasp on something before you grab it.
6. If the snow looks higher in one spot don’t assume it’s a hill, you will get stuck and have to have your grandpa come pull you out.
7. Bikes have breaks for a reason.
8. Bikes have breaks for a reason.
9. Bikes have breaks for a reason.
10. If the school corn looks too perfect it probably tastes nasty.
11. Once a year, go through your clothes and donate what you don’t wear.
12. Don’t let fear rule your life.
13. If something scares you keep confronting it until it doesn’t anymore.
14. Trust your gut.
15. Don’t give up.
16. Break the rules every once in a while.
17. Do not get caught when you are breaking said rules.
18. Drive carefully.
19. Make good choices.
20. Be there for your friends but don’t let their life dictate yours.
21. Don’t be a tramp.
22. Watch cartoons regardless of how old you are.
23. If you see a boy you like go up to him and say, “Hey, you’re cute, you should buy me dinner sometime.”
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Max Pain: The Life of a Supercreep
In the internship learning system, six sigma based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Indianapolis, the dedicated detective who investigates these vicious accidents is a member of his own elite squad, known as the Max Pain Victims Unit. This is his story.
Max is an…employee of the company I work for? He is the representation of six sigma safety, I believe. If you can’t tell from the photo, Max is a large wooden man. He kind of reminds me of a paper doll like I used to play with but way creepier.
First a physical description, just incase you can’t fully make everything out from the photo. To start, he has vampire teeth. As he is two dimensional they are simply tacked onto his face open to their full oval capacity. Above these teeth he has, what I can only describe as, a Hitler mustache. He has no eyes but a cap that would cover them if he did, in fact, possess some. No shirt but yes on the nametag. He appears to have some sort of skin condition involving red and green spots. One side of his torso is “dangerous,” and he appears to have several wounds being treated. His shorts are far too large and therefore are tied on with a zip cord. He has a baton in his pocket that I strongly suspect is his primary weapon of choice. He has very flat feet and no shoes.
I considered doing an interview with him but he never got back to me about whether or not he would be interested, he’s kind of a quiet guy. So instead I decided I just write a little about my experiences with him so far.
In the beginning of my internship, Max lived out in the vestibule because that was here he had been stashed during the remodel. In this location he had prime exposure and was able to both monitor the comings and goings in the building and scare the crap out of me on a daily basis.
He then moved around the hallways some, always in a new location, always scaring the bejesus out of me.
Now fast-forward to when we are all happily sequestered in our little cubes. I come into work one morning and who should be squatting in my cube, but Max Pain. I sigh and hide him behind some other things. (As the intern, my cube has become something of a catchall, I have some tradeshow decorations in tubes in the back corner, and he was hidden behind them.)
My co-workers made fun of me for hiding him and asked why I did not enjoy my new cube buddy, I responded with a scathing,
“Because he’s really stinkin’ creepy that’s why!”
I come in a few days later and the tubes have been moved to the side revealing Max Pain in all of his frighteningness. I promptly stack them back up all around him.
A few days later I come in after my boss to find Max Pain out and lying across my entire cube! I should have called shenanigans right then, but Jake and Cliff said they had “no idea” how it happened. I remain unconvinced.
Max is out of my cube now and moving around the office, spreading his creepertastic ways around the world as best he can. So, the lesson of the story? Obey six sigma safety standards or you’ll get harassed by a big wooden man. Yes, yes I think that’s the moral.
Max is an…employee of the company I work for? He is the representation of six sigma safety, I believe. If you can’t tell from the photo, Max is a large wooden man. He kind of reminds me of a paper doll like I used to play with but way creepier.
First a physical description, just incase you can’t fully make everything out from the photo. To start, he has vampire teeth. As he is two dimensional they are simply tacked onto his face open to their full oval capacity. Above these teeth he has, what I can only describe as, a Hitler mustache. He has no eyes but a cap that would cover them if he did, in fact, possess some. No shirt but yes on the nametag. He appears to have some sort of skin condition involving red and green spots. One side of his torso is “dangerous,” and he appears to have several wounds being treated. His shorts are far too large and therefore are tied on with a zip cord. He has a baton in his pocket that I strongly suspect is his primary weapon of choice. He has very flat feet and no shoes.
I considered doing an interview with him but he never got back to me about whether or not he would be interested, he’s kind of a quiet guy. So instead I decided I just write a little about my experiences with him so far.
In the beginning of my internship, Max lived out in the vestibule because that was here he had been stashed during the remodel. In this location he had prime exposure and was able to both monitor the comings and goings in the building and scare the crap out of me on a daily basis.
He then moved around the hallways some, always in a new location, always scaring the bejesus out of me.
Now fast-forward to when we are all happily sequestered in our little cubes. I come into work one morning and who should be squatting in my cube, but Max Pain. I sigh and hide him behind some other things. (As the intern, my cube has become something of a catchall, I have some tradeshow decorations in tubes in the back corner, and he was hidden behind them.)
My co-workers made fun of me for hiding him and asked why I did not enjoy my new cube buddy, I responded with a scathing,
“Because he’s really stinkin’ creepy that’s why!”
I come in a few days later and the tubes have been moved to the side revealing Max Pain in all of his frighteningness. I promptly stack them back up all around him.
A few days later I come in after my boss to find Max Pain out and lying across my entire cube! I should have called shenanigans right then, but Jake and Cliff said they had “no idea” how it happened. I remain unconvinced.
Max is out of my cube now and moving around the office, spreading his creepertastic ways around the world as best he can. So, the lesson of the story? Obey six sigma safety standards or you’ll get harassed by a big wooden man. Yes, yes I think that’s the moral.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
The New Look
I decided it was time i got legit with my blog. This being said, I designed this new layoutness. I think it's pretty cool. In a related vein, I am fast falling in love with the Adobe programs. Illustrator helped me to create the header for this. One more thing to love my internship for, I'm continuing to learn about things that are sure to help me as I go on! Okay, that's about all I've got, but since there is usually humor involved in my blog I leave you with this:
Thursday, June 16, 2011
My Life is Absurd
Now don't get me wrong, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. If I get a chest cold I think it's lung cancer. All that aside, when something is actually wrong with my health I generally notice.
So, for the past few weeks my allergies have been really bad. Now silly me I just think it's seasonal and will go away. I keep taking my allergy pill and just deal with the sneezing, watery eyes, etc. Then the other day I got an itch on my leg. I look down to see I have hives. I have not had hives since I was a little kid. What the heck? I just try to ignore it and hope it goes away. (It's clear that my sister is a healthcare professional right? I mean I'm so responsible about this stuff, obviously she's taught me well...) I continue on for a few days just being generally allergy ridden. Then came yesterday.
I get home after class and decide to take a nap because I'm super sleepy. When I wake up I realize my lips are swollen. Oh hey, that's a symptom I'd left out, I was in like a constant state of having supermodel lips. Anyway, so I wake up with crazy swollen lips. Annoyed, I take a benadryl.
Then I decide maybe it's something in my room that is causing this, not actually just seasonal. I take off all my sheets and put them in the washer. I go up to the living room to watch TV with the roommates and wait for my lips to go back to normal. They don't. They actually get sort of worse. And then I start to panic.
I call my sister 'cause she's a doctor now. She makes fun of me a little and says I'll be fine.
Then the wheezing starts.
Now I'm scared. I decide to go sleep at my sisters because suddenly it dawns on me. I think I'm allergic to my new house. This is easily one of the stupidest things that has happened to me recently. I mean for real, who has a house that actively tries to get them out? It's like it's haunted only it's haunted by allergens!
So anyway, this morning I had to go to the doctor. I told her I was planning to clean my air ducts with a bleach concentration. She yelled at me. She told me I needed to ask someone else to do it. She told me I should not go back to my house until it had been done and the house had sat for a day or so. She made me get an EpiPen in case something went really bad.
Now I'm a nomad. I have no home (although I do have a very kind friend who is letting me stay with her for a bit). Luckily I have a friend who cleaned the ducts for me. If that does not work I don't know quite what I'll do. If you happen to see me sleeping on a bench on campus next semester though maybe throw a blanket over me.
Pray for me?
So, for the past few weeks my allergies have been really bad. Now silly me I just think it's seasonal and will go away. I keep taking my allergy pill and just deal with the sneezing, watery eyes, etc. Then the other day I got an itch on my leg. I look down to see I have hives. I have not had hives since I was a little kid. What the heck? I just try to ignore it and hope it goes away. (It's clear that my sister is a healthcare professional right? I mean I'm so responsible about this stuff, obviously she's taught me well...) I continue on for a few days just being generally allergy ridden. Then came yesterday.
I get home after class and decide to take a nap because I'm super sleepy. When I wake up I realize my lips are swollen. Oh hey, that's a symptom I'd left out, I was in like a constant state of having supermodel lips. Anyway, so I wake up with crazy swollen lips. Annoyed, I take a benadryl.
Then I decide maybe it's something in my room that is causing this, not actually just seasonal. I take off all my sheets and put them in the washer. I go up to the living room to watch TV with the roommates and wait for my lips to go back to normal. They don't. They actually get sort of worse. And then I start to panic.
I call my sister 'cause she's a doctor now. She makes fun of me a little and says I'll be fine.
Then the wheezing starts.
Now I'm scared. I decide to go sleep at my sisters because suddenly it dawns on me. I think I'm allergic to my new house. This is easily one of the stupidest things that has happened to me recently. I mean for real, who has a house that actively tries to get them out? It's like it's haunted only it's haunted by allergens!
So anyway, this morning I had to go to the doctor. I told her I was planning to clean my air ducts with a bleach concentration. She yelled at me. She told me I needed to ask someone else to do it. She told me I should not go back to my house until it had been done and the house had sat for a day or so. She made me get an EpiPen in case something went really bad.
Now I'm a nomad. I have no home (although I do have a very kind friend who is letting me stay with her for a bit). Luckily I have a friend who cleaned the ducts for me. If that does not work I don't know quite what I'll do. If you happen to see me sleeping on a bench on campus next semester though maybe throw a blanket over me.
Pray for me?
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Sometimes you’re the pigeon sometimes you’re the statue.
I should have stayed in bed today.
4:30a.m. I wake up. Why am I awake? Why am I so awake? I’m a little hungry, maybe I should eat something.
6:22a.m. Alarm goes off, I get up, shut it off, and promptly fall back to sleep.
7:12a.m. Crap! I need to leave for work in 18 minuets. I have to shower because I had bug spray on last night. Sleep…
7:22a.m. What the heck self?!? Get up! Must shower!
It’s at this point that things get kind of intense, I’m fairly certain I break some laws of physics and maybe find a crack in the space time continuum while taking the fastest shower of my life. I scurry out and almost bite it on the tile floor but manage to catch myself.
7:25a.m. Clothes. Must find clothes for work. Solid colors, yes, solid colors are good. Solid colors match. Shoes. Grab a pair of TOMS. Phone, keys, planner, check. I grab my Froot Loops (side note, somehow I have never noticed that froot loops is spelled absolutely absurdly, I mean for real, who’s idea was that?) and run to the kitchen. I grab a sandwich bag to pour some cereal in. I proceed to spill all over the floor. I pick up the loops I can see, zip the bag, and dash out the door.
7:40a.m. I get in my car. I am officially running late.
7:42a.m. I open my baggie of Froot Loops.
7:43a.m. I spill my baggie of Froot Loops all over myself.
7:43:15a.m. I try to salvage as many as I can, clean myself up, and drive all at the same time.
8:00a.m. I am not at work. I should be at work.
About here is when I start to realize it’s going to be one of those days.
8:05a.m. I arrive to work and clock in.
8:07a.m. Receive email from my professor saying I need to correct something on my quiz. I don’t know what she’s talking about. I thought I'd done everything right. Crap.
We have another quiz today. I bought a bottle of wine last night in preparation for not doing so hot on it. Not sure how I feel about that yet. I will be really glad when this day is over.
4:30a.m. I wake up. Why am I awake? Why am I so awake? I’m a little hungry, maybe I should eat something.
6:22a.m. Alarm goes off, I get up, shut it off, and promptly fall back to sleep.
7:12a.m. Crap! I need to leave for work in 18 minuets. I have to shower because I had bug spray on last night. Sleep…
7:22a.m. What the heck self?!? Get up! Must shower!
It’s at this point that things get kind of intense, I’m fairly certain I break some laws of physics and maybe find a crack in the space time continuum while taking the fastest shower of my life. I scurry out and almost bite it on the tile floor but manage to catch myself.
7:25a.m. Clothes. Must find clothes for work. Solid colors, yes, solid colors are good. Solid colors match. Shoes. Grab a pair of TOMS. Phone, keys, planner, check. I grab my Froot Loops (side note, somehow I have never noticed that froot loops is spelled absolutely absurdly, I mean for real, who’s idea was that?) and run to the kitchen. I grab a sandwich bag to pour some cereal in. I proceed to spill all over the floor. I pick up the loops I can see, zip the bag, and dash out the door.
7:40a.m. I get in my car. I am officially running late.
7:42a.m. I open my baggie of Froot Loops.
7:43a.m. I spill my baggie of Froot Loops all over myself.
7:43:15a.m. I try to salvage as many as I can, clean myself up, and drive all at the same time.
8:00a.m. I am not at work. I should be at work.
About here is when I start to realize it’s going to be one of those days.
8:05a.m. I arrive to work and clock in.
8:07a.m. Receive email from my professor saying I need to correct something on my quiz. I don’t know what she’s talking about. I thought I'd done everything right. Crap.
We have another quiz today. I bought a bottle of wine last night in preparation for not doing so hot on it. Not sure how I feel about that yet. I will be really glad when this day is over.
Friday, June 3, 2011
True Life: I Sit at the Regional Manager’s Desk.
If you’ll remember, in my last post I mentioned that the building I am working in is under construction. Because of this, when I got here on my first day, my boss (Jake) and another man (Cliff) had set up camp in a large office belonging to the regional manager. Apparently, he seldom comes into the office, preferring to work elsewhere. So, as both of the desk areas in the room were taken Jake got me a small round table that we put my computer, shelves, pens, etc. on. And that was my spot. I had my little corner and there were three of us in the one office. It was a pretty good little setup. Until yesterday that is.
I get to the office at about eight o’clock Thursday morning and head to our big room expecting to see Cliff, when I arrive though, his desk is clear. His new cubicle is finished and he has moved. I’m a little sad that I will be working alone for a couple hours (because my boss is lucky and gets to come in at like ten) but it’s not a big deal. I go to my little table and get to work.
At about nine thirty Jake comes in, “Did Cliff already move?” he asks. I resist the urge to respond with “clearly,” and instead reply with a simple, “I think so.” So then Jake starts moving out. It’s at this point that I start to get a little worried. I have it on good authority that my cubicle will not be finished for about a week. I figure I will just have to walk a little more and I’ll just stay at my little table. Not so.
After moving all of his things out Jake comes down with Cliff. They are talking about returning the round table to its owner. I remember Jake saying something about me living at a podium for a week. I really thought that was a joke. Maybe not. Maybe I have to stand all week. Maybe I have to put my desktop computer on my lap. Maybe next week is going to suck major.
“Hey Kyley, why don’t you just move your stuff to the desk Cliff was at.”
“What?” I say/laugh.
“Yeah, that will work; you can just sit there for a week.”
“You want me to move my stuff to the regional manager’s desk? And you want me to sit there, alone, in his giant office, alone, for a week…alone?”
“Yes.”
So I live here now. It’s one hundred percent absurd. It’ll be a miracle if this guy does not come in while I’m chilling in his office. What do you even do in that situation? “Oh sorry, I’m the intern, is this not the inter office? Silly me…”
This could be good.
I get to the office at about eight o’clock Thursday morning and head to our big room expecting to see Cliff, when I arrive though, his desk is clear. His new cubicle is finished and he has moved. I’m a little sad that I will be working alone for a couple hours (because my boss is lucky and gets to come in at like ten) but it’s not a big deal. I go to my little table and get to work.
At about nine thirty Jake comes in, “Did Cliff already move?” he asks. I resist the urge to respond with “clearly,” and instead reply with a simple, “I think so.” So then Jake starts moving out. It’s at this point that I start to get a little worried. I have it on good authority that my cubicle will not be finished for about a week. I figure I will just have to walk a little more and I’ll just stay at my little table. Not so.
After moving all of his things out Jake comes down with Cliff. They are talking about returning the round table to its owner. I remember Jake saying something about me living at a podium for a week. I really thought that was a joke. Maybe not. Maybe I have to stand all week. Maybe I have to put my desktop computer on my lap. Maybe next week is going to suck major.
“Hey Kyley, why don’t you just move your stuff to the desk Cliff was at.”
“What?” I say/laugh.
“Yeah, that will work; you can just sit there for a week.”
“You want me to move my stuff to the regional manager’s desk? And you want me to sit there, alone, in his giant office, alone, for a week…alone?”
“Yes.”
So I live here now. It’s one hundred percent absurd. It’ll be a miracle if this guy does not come in while I’m chilling in his office. What do you even do in that situation? “Oh sorry, I’m the intern, is this not the inter office? Silly me…”
This could be good.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
I will not kill the internship lily!
So, I think it is about time I write something about my internship. This being said, on my very first day, the rest of the office is just returning from a week long sales meeting in New Orleans. My boss comes in a few minuets after (slightly nervous and overzealous) me. There is a lot of filling out paperwork that we’re going to skim over, trust me, you’re not missing much. So, now I’ve been at work for an hour or so. I go to my bosses office where he has made me a little desk of sorts. Oh, I should give some background here…
The building I work in was, and still is, in the middle of some serious construction. Ergo, my boss’s office was a large room shared between him, another coworker, and myself. Okay, now back to my little desky work area.
Next to this makeshift work area there is the most depressingly droopy peace lily I have ever seen.
Sorta like that photo, but worse because it didn't even have flowers. So my coworker (we’ll call him Cliff) says to my boss (Jake, if you will) “Your plant looks bad.” For some reason both of them seem to find this very funny. I, however, am lamenting for the poor lily, clearly it is in the ICU of the plant world. Jake goes and gets some water for it, I’m still worried so I start trying to prune off the overly dead parts in an attempt to entice it into living.
“She touched it last!” I hear in semi surround sound. Then I get the back story.
Apparently, this poor peace lily has been living in the office for quite some time. It has had many owners and homes around the building. It has not, however, really flourished. In a related vein though, no one has killed it yet. So, now we get to “my most important duty of the summer.” Keep the peace lily alive. Kill it and I’m fired. Make it bloom and I get great reviews. Challenge accepted.
The lily is kind of mine now, I water it, I talk to it a little, and I asked if it could come with me to my cubicle when we move. I ordered plant food for it yesterday. I’m determined to make it bloom. I mean I need to be serious about this, it’s internship priority number one after all.
The building I work in was, and still is, in the middle of some serious construction. Ergo, my boss’s office was a large room shared between him, another coworker, and myself. Okay, now back to my little desky work area.
Next to this makeshift work area there is the most depressingly droopy peace lily I have ever seen.
Sorta like that photo, but worse because it didn't even have flowers. So my coworker (we’ll call him Cliff) says to my boss (Jake, if you will) “Your plant looks bad.” For some reason both of them seem to find this very funny. I, however, am lamenting for the poor lily, clearly it is in the ICU of the plant world. Jake goes and gets some water for it, I’m still worried so I start trying to prune off the overly dead parts in an attempt to entice it into living.“She touched it last!” I hear in semi surround sound. Then I get the back story.
Apparently, this poor peace lily has been living in the office for quite some time. It has had many owners and homes around the building. It has not, however, really flourished. In a related vein though, no one has killed it yet. So, now we get to “my most important duty of the summer.” Keep the peace lily alive. Kill it and I’m fired. Make it bloom and I get great reviews. Challenge accepted.
The lily is kind of mine now, I water it, I talk to it a little, and I asked if it could come with me to my cubicle when we move. I ordered plant food for it yesterday. I’m determined to make it bloom. I mean I need to be serious about this, it’s internship priority number one after all.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Corporate Finance Woes
My life is a dark, scary, swirling black mass of pain, humiliation, and numbers at the moment.
Note to self: taking a math class in the summer is not, in fact, any better than taking one during the year. It may actually be worse. Cramming twelve weeks of material into four is one of the A. most absurd and B. least mathematically sound, things I have ever heard of. Would you like to know how this works? How the administration managed this feat of time condensing sadism? It goes like this...
You have class for four weeks. Three days a week. Three hours a day. Three hours. Let that sink in. One hundred and eighty minuets. Ten thousand eight-hundred seconds. Too. Freaking. Long.
Three straight hours of math has had an interesting effect on my brain. Some days it feels like pudding, others like molten lead, and yet others like a hyper saturated sponge, unable to absorb anything.
If only this situation were even a third as funny as I’m trying to make it seem.
Note to self: taking a math class in the summer is not, in fact, any better than taking one during the year. It may actually be worse. Cramming twelve weeks of material into four is one of the A. most absurd and B. least mathematically sound, things I have ever heard of. Would you like to know how this works? How the administration managed this feat of time condensing sadism? It goes like this...
You have class for four weeks. Three days a week. Three hours a day. Three hours. Let that sink in. One hundred and eighty minuets. Ten thousand eight-hundred seconds. Too. Freaking. Long.
Three straight hours of math has had an interesting effect on my brain. Some days it feels like pudding, others like molten lead, and yet others like a hyper saturated sponge, unable to absorb anything.
If only this situation were even a third as funny as I’m trying to make it seem.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
A Poor Life Choice
So, about five months ago I had, quite possibly, the worst idea I have ever had in my life. I’m home for Christmas, life is easy, no worries, just relaxation, I blame this for lulling me into a false sense of security ergo leading to the making of the aforementioned horrid idea.
As I’m sitting at T and M’s I think to myself, “self, wouldn’t it be fun to run the Indianapolis mini marathon this year?” This thought was the catalyst leading to my eventual downfall.
Enter back at school, beginning of the semester, classes are not bad, I have time to train. I find myself needing a source of income, enter job, and exit some training. Enter growing class intensity. Exit more training. Enter flu. Exit all training...
And before I know it, it’s time for the mini.
I wake up to a brisk spring morning, very brisk, very morning (6:00 a.m. and cold). I put on all my special clothes, socks, shoes, etc. and head out. Downtown is a madhouse! I have to get out of my friends car about a half a mile from where I need to be and I begin my epic sojourn.
We get started and are on our merry way.
A little over an hour in we hear that someone has won. It was a man from Kenya. I spend the next few miles contemplating the idea that there could be some sort of gene splicing happening there between runners and cheetahs. I plan to blow the story wide open soon. Watch for it.
Now lets jump ahead 9 miles. It’s about now that I’m really over the whole situation. My feet hurt, my knees kill, and my glute muscles are in a permanent state of constriction. Feeling good.
On the plus side I have been smart about staying hydrated, not like the guy we pass laying behind the ambulance, he was dumb about hydration. I mean really, are the two seconds you may have saved not drinking worth it? I think no.
Mile 10: Why do people think this is fun? Do runners ever just go bowling? Ride a rollercoaster? Maybe I should dedicate the rest of my life to helping the poor runners realize what fun actually is. Was that a raindrop?
Mile 11: I hurt, that is it. Actually no, that is not it I am also wet. It is raining, a lot, on my head, rainrainrain. Why did I think this was a good idea? People are saying pain is weakness leaving the body, I firmly believe I have no weakness left only pain and wet. Oh, the sun is coming back.
Mile 12: Eff my life. Entire lower body is stiff. Why the heck did I do this to myself? Will this ever be over? I don’t enjoy being rained on. Glad that’s over. So close. Men on bike ask if I’m okay or if I’d like a ride back. There is no stinking way I’m quitting at this point. I walk on.
Mile 13: I’m almost there! Only .1 miles left! I’m actually going to do this.
As I cross the finish line I feel a strange mix of overwhelming
joy and relief, and crippling pain and fatigue. I get my super cool big medal though, go eat some pasta, and head back home. I think I’ve blocked going up the 4 flights of stairs from my memory. A few days later though and I’m feeling okay, still a little sore but not bad.
I think it is safe to say, however, that this was both the beginning and the end of my distance self-propelled forward motion career.
As I’m sitting at T and M’s I think to myself, “self, wouldn’t it be fun to run the Indianapolis mini marathon this year?” This thought was the catalyst leading to my eventual downfall.
Enter back at school, beginning of the semester, classes are not bad, I have time to train. I find myself needing a source of income, enter job, and exit some training. Enter growing class intensity. Exit more training. Enter flu. Exit all training...
And before I know it, it’s time for the mini.
I wake up to a brisk spring morning, very brisk, very morning (6:00 a.m. and cold). I put on all my special clothes, socks, shoes, etc. and head out. Downtown is a madhouse! I have to get out of my friends car about a half a mile from where I need to be and I begin my epic sojourn.
We get started and are on our merry way.
A little over an hour in we hear that someone has won. It was a man from Kenya. I spend the next few miles contemplating the idea that there could be some sort of gene splicing happening there between runners and cheetahs. I plan to blow the story wide open soon. Watch for it.Now lets jump ahead 9 miles. It’s about now that I’m really over the whole situation. My feet hurt, my knees kill, and my glute muscles are in a permanent state of constriction. Feeling good.
On the plus side I have been smart about staying hydrated, not like the guy we pass laying behind the ambulance, he was dumb about hydration. I mean really, are the two seconds you may have saved not drinking worth it? I think no.
Mile 10: Why do people think this is fun? Do runners ever just go bowling? Ride a rollercoaster? Maybe I should dedicate the rest of my life to helping the poor runners realize what fun actually is. Was that a raindrop?
Mile 11: I hurt, that is it. Actually no, that is not it I am also wet. It is raining, a lot, on my head, rainrainrain. Why did I think this was a good idea? People are saying pain is weakness leaving the body, I firmly believe I have no weakness left only pain and wet. Oh, the sun is coming back.
Mile 12: Eff my life. Entire lower body is stiff. Why the heck did I do this to myself? Will this ever be over? I don’t enjoy being rained on. Glad that’s over. So close. Men on bike ask if I’m okay or if I’d like a ride back. There is no stinking way I’m quitting at this point. I walk on.
Mile 13: I’m almost there! Only .1 miles left! I’m actually going to do this.
As I cross the finish line I feel a strange mix of overwhelming
joy and relief, and crippling pain and fatigue. I get my super cool big medal though, go eat some pasta, and head back home. I think I’ve blocked going up the 4 flights of stairs from my memory. A few days later though and I’m feeling okay, still a little sore but not bad. I think it is safe to say, however, that this was both the beginning and the end of my distance self-propelled forward motion career.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Well folks, it’s almost that time.
Finals, for many, this is “crunch time.” The masses flock to the library, freshman barter flex dollars for study rooms, the kids with Ritalin or Adderall prescriptions are given opportunity to make up all the money they had to spend on books for the semester, and BUPD is called in to calm down the girl twitching in the corner all hopped up on highlighter fumes.
Yes indeed, it’s a wonderful time to be a college student. I’ve found the key to sanity though and now I’d like to share it with you. While everyone else is hitting the books I hit the snooze button, as opposed to looking over all of my notes I look at all the Youtube videos I’ve heard are funny throughout the semester, basically instead of studying I procrastinate.
This system is not foolproof however, its positive effects only last an average of a week. Then one of three things happens, 1. You blow your own mind by exhibiting brilliance on your finals even though you never studied for them. (this is not a likely outcome but feel free to dream) 2. You scrape by and feel a slight twinge of shame and promise yourself you'll do it differently next semester. (probably the most common outcome) Or 3. You fail abysmally and are forced to take a long hard look at your life choices (although if you fall into this category you will probably choose to look at the video parody of “Friday” or the “Numa Numa” kid instead.)
This being said, I only recommend the use of this system for the amount of time you can handle it. So, you need to balance your assumed knowledge with your assumed ignorance, then divide the time until your exam by your speed-reading ability, and probably factor in some time for sleep. Then you’ll know how much time you actually need to study in order to get an acceptable grade.
As for me, I’m going to post this blog and then drink wine and study with my friend M. We think it will be a good system; I’ll let you know the effectiveness for sure when grades come out in a few weeks.
Good luck all!
Yes indeed, it’s a wonderful time to be a college student. I’ve found the key to sanity though and now I’d like to share it with you. While everyone else is hitting the books I hit the snooze button, as opposed to looking over all of my notes I look at all the Youtube videos I’ve heard are funny throughout the semester, basically instead of studying I procrastinate.
This system is not foolproof however, its positive effects only last an average of a week. Then one of three things happens, 1. You blow your own mind by exhibiting brilliance on your finals even though you never studied for them. (this is not a likely outcome but feel free to dream) 2. You scrape by and feel a slight twinge of shame and promise yourself you'll do it differently next semester. (probably the most common outcome) Or 3. You fail abysmally and are forced to take a long hard look at your life choices (although if you fall into this category you will probably choose to look at the video parody of “Friday” or the “Numa Numa” kid instead.)
This being said, I only recommend the use of this system for the amount of time you can handle it. So, you need to balance your assumed knowledge with your assumed ignorance, then divide the time until your exam by your speed-reading ability, and probably factor in some time for sleep. Then you’ll know how much time you actually need to study in order to get an acceptable grade.
As for me, I’m going to post this blog and then drink wine and study with my friend M. We think it will be a good system; I’ll let you know the effectiveness for sure when grades come out in a few weeks.
Good luck all!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Lets Be Real
I checked the weather today and legitimately started to wonder if the radar over at Weather Under Ground is broken. Seriously, it has looked basically the same for the past week. Covered in greeny, yellowy, and sometimes redish blobs. Additionally it always seems to be coming from the same area on the map.
How long is this storm front exactly? I’m about over it. All I have to say is that if the whole world floods again I hope unicorns somehow get to make a comeback when it dries out.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
A Brief Update
Well it’s been a few days, and an active few at that. My 21st birthday has come and gone and I’m going to tell you everything I remember about it...
No, I’m totally kidding, I remember it all. We started out at Applebee’s because we’re just cool like that and then headed to Brothers, Landsharks (for my free bucket of rum and shark!), and finally The Vogue (where we were made to leave my squeaky shark in a box because apparently it could have been used as a weapon).
I’m officially in love with Retro Rewind, even though music from my teen years is apparently considered “retro.” All in all a good night, although I do have slightly unrealistic expectations about how a shark will act slash sound if I ever encounter one.
Additionally, I accepted an internship, at the place with the fake coyote, and I’m pretty excited about it.
No, I’m totally kidding, I remember it all. We started out at Applebee’s because we’re just cool like that and then headed to Brothers, Landsharks (for my free bucket of rum and shark!), and finally The Vogue (where we were made to leave my squeaky shark in a box because apparently it could have been used as a weapon).
I’m officially in love with Retro Rewind, even though music from my teen years is apparently considered “retro.” All in all a good night, although I do have slightly unrealistic expectations about how a shark will act slash sound if I ever encounter one.Additionally, I accepted an internship, at the place with the fake coyote, and I’m pretty excited about it.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The During
When we last left our hero (namely me) she had just successfully turned in a ten page long paper that she had both written and delivered whilst in the throes of the most intense flu of the season.
I get back to my apartment and walk up all the stairs to the fourth floor, at this point I am almost crying from a. pain, b. being so out of breath, and c. general patheticness. I open the door, get a drink, go to my room, take two Advil cold and sinus and two Ibuprofen and promptly pass out.
When I wake up approximately four hours later I am feeling slightly better, I can breath through one nostril and my muscle aches are dulled. I thank (insert your deity of choice here), get out of bed and start getting ready for my interview. Did you remember that the last post was not even the whole story? Because it was so so not. It gets much better...
I somehow manage to shower, do my hair and makeup, get dressed in my grown-up clothes, and get directions to the location of my interview before the almost crippling fatigue hits me. I literally tip over onto my bed mid Google mapping. Not one to be daunted though, I do the responsible thing, grab my bag, walk downstairs, get in my car, and proceed to enter traffic in my vertigod state.
Once in the car with the radio on it becomes quite evident why my coordination and balance are even more off than usual, my ears are so plugged that I can’t really hear anything. Awesome. At this point though I’m already in my car and were I to turn back I would have to go back up all of those stairs, and really, driving in a semi lucid state on 465 seems like the better option.
I drive along scenic 38th street until I get to the ramp for 465; it is then that I realize I don’t know if I am supposed to go north or south, I choose north. I choose wrong. I do a fun little loopy thing and get going the right way; all goes surprisingly smoothly the rest of the trip. I arrive at my destination and pull into a parking lot labeled “visitor parking.”
At this point I’m feeling pretty darn good about myself, I have navigated Indy and made it here safely all while my body and senses are actively conspiring against me. I enter the building closest to the lot and find myself in a vestibule with one new door. It is locked. I look around a bit trying to figure out what to do but am baffled. I decide to call my interviewer, even though, if you’ll remember, I can’t really hear. He informs me that I am across the street from where I am supposed to be, parallel to the building if you will, I don’t have time to contemplate the irony though because I am only about three minuets early and need to get to the right place.
I walk across the street to the other building and literally jump and do a little scream. Because some genius put this thing right by the entrance! Now let me tell you something about this fake coyote, its eyes, they move! As does it’s body in the wind. It was windy! Remember that all my senses at this point are off as well. Basically, I thought this was the end. I thought I had made it so far and now it was all going to end with me being mauled to death by a coyote in the middle of Indianapolis.
But then I realize the coyote is not moving towards me. Additionally it looks a little like plastic. Additionally I feel like an idiot. I walk to the door, meet my interviewer, and proceed to have a relatively normal interview considering the fact that I am probably yelling due to my slight deafness and I likely sound like Fran Drescher. They must have liked something about me though (or possibly they just felt very sorry for me) because I got the internship. I don’t know if I will be taking it, but a successful endeavor nonetheless.
I get back to my apartment and walk up all the stairs to the fourth floor, at this point I am almost crying from a. pain, b. being so out of breath, and c. general patheticness. I open the door, get a drink, go to my room, take two Advil cold and sinus and two Ibuprofen and promptly pass out.
When I wake up approximately four hours later I am feeling slightly better, I can breath through one nostril and my muscle aches are dulled. I thank (insert your deity of choice here), get out of bed and start getting ready for my interview. Did you remember that the last post was not even the whole story? Because it was so so not. It gets much better...
I somehow manage to shower, do my hair and makeup, get dressed in my grown-up clothes, and get directions to the location of my interview before the almost crippling fatigue hits me. I literally tip over onto my bed mid Google mapping. Not one to be daunted though, I do the responsible thing, grab my bag, walk downstairs, get in my car, and proceed to enter traffic in my vertigod state.
Once in the car with the radio on it becomes quite evident why my coordination and balance are even more off than usual, my ears are so plugged that I can’t really hear anything. Awesome. At this point though I’m already in my car and were I to turn back I would have to go back up all of those stairs, and really, driving in a semi lucid state on 465 seems like the better option.
I drive along scenic 38th street until I get to the ramp for 465; it is then that I realize I don’t know if I am supposed to go north or south, I choose north. I choose wrong. I do a fun little loopy thing and get going the right way; all goes surprisingly smoothly the rest of the trip. I arrive at my destination and pull into a parking lot labeled “visitor parking.”
At this point I’m feeling pretty darn good about myself, I have navigated Indy and made it here safely all while my body and senses are actively conspiring against me. I enter the building closest to the lot and find myself in a vestibule with one new door. It is locked. I look around a bit trying to figure out what to do but am baffled. I decide to call my interviewer, even though, if you’ll remember, I can’t really hear. He informs me that I am across the street from where I am supposed to be, parallel to the building if you will, I don’t have time to contemplate the irony though because I am only about three minuets early and need to get to the right place.
I walk across the street to the other building and literally jump and do a little scream. Because some genius put this thing right by the entrance! Now let me tell you something about this fake coyote, its eyes, they move! As does it’s body in the wind. It was windy! Remember that all my senses at this point are off as well. Basically, I thought this was the end. I thought I had made it so far and now it was all going to end with me being mauled to death by a coyote in the middle of Indianapolis.
But then I realize the coyote is not moving towards me. Additionally it looks a little like plastic. Additionally I feel like an idiot. I walk to the door, meet my interviewer, and proceed to have a relatively normal interview considering the fact that I am probably yelling due to my slight deafness and I likely sound like Fran Drescher. They must have liked something about me though (or possibly they just felt very sorry for me) because I got the internship. I don’t know if I will be taking it, but a successful endeavor nonetheless.
Friday, April 15, 2011
The Before
The events of the morning prior to my first internship interview; lets set the scene shall we?
I’m in my bed. I’ve been here for two days. Unable to breath, sneezing several times a minute, muscle aches, chills, fatigue, overwhelming feeling of yuckiness... guess yet? Oh yes, the flu, the day of my very first internship interview and I have the flu. And I’m not talking slight flu, oh no, full blown, all out, balls to the wall, flu.
I get out of bed (because I have to go to campus to turn in a paper). I’m in yoga pants so I figure that’s legit and just throw on a sweatshirt. I grab my keys, one quarter for the meter, my ID, and a ponytail. This is happening.
Once on campus I trek to the library. People look at me like I’m Typhoid Mary. Clearly I have an aura of sickliness resonating from my very being. This is sad to me but I have a mission. I find the one empty computer in the lab, the kid sitting at the one next to me looks like he may cry, I feel a little bad, but I print my paper and get out fast in order to expose as few people as possible. I leave to head to my professors office. I don’t know where it is. Epic. Sad.
I see a passing professor and ask him to point me in the right direction, I’ve been wandering the hallway that runs parallel to the one where his office is located. Slight fail but I persevere! I finally find my professor, I reach out and hand him my paper, he looks at me strangely, clearly wondering why I didn’t just wait to turn it in, in five minuets when class starts. “I have the flu,” I say.
He recoils and my soul dies a little. He looks at my paper as if I’d handed him a vat of toxic waste. “I just printed it,” I say, and he looks relieved. I walk away as he tells me to get well soon. I am not fooled, he’s still trying to calculate the odds that he will get my flu from the paper I held for a full three minutes max. It’s okay though, I can be strong, when you’re a walking virus you have to learn to be independent.
(check back later for the story of the interview)
I’m in my bed. I’ve been here for two days. Unable to breath, sneezing several times a minute, muscle aches, chills, fatigue, overwhelming feeling of yuckiness... guess yet? Oh yes, the flu, the day of my very first internship interview and I have the flu. And I’m not talking slight flu, oh no, full blown, all out, balls to the wall, flu.
I get out of bed (because I have to go to campus to turn in a paper). I’m in yoga pants so I figure that’s legit and just throw on a sweatshirt. I grab my keys, one quarter for the meter, my ID, and a ponytail. This is happening.
Once on campus I trek to the library. People look at me like I’m Typhoid Mary. Clearly I have an aura of sickliness resonating from my very being. This is sad to me but I have a mission. I find the one empty computer in the lab, the kid sitting at the one next to me looks like he may cry, I feel a little bad, but I print my paper and get out fast in order to expose as few people as possible. I leave to head to my professors office. I don’t know where it is. Epic. Sad.
I see a passing professor and ask him to point me in the right direction, I’ve been wandering the hallway that runs parallel to the one where his office is located. Slight fail but I persevere! I finally find my professor, I reach out and hand him my paper, he looks at me strangely, clearly wondering why I didn’t just wait to turn it in, in five minuets when class starts. “I have the flu,” I say.
He recoils and my soul dies a little. He looks at my paper as if I’d handed him a vat of toxic waste. “I just printed it,” I say, and he looks relieved. I walk away as he tells me to get well soon. I am not fooled, he’s still trying to calculate the odds that he will get my flu from the paper I held for a full three minutes max. It’s okay though, I can be strong, when you’re a walking virus you have to learn to be independent.
(check back later for the story of the interview)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
I'm going to be 21 soon...
So i am going to share 21 facts about myself with the world, I fully believe that once these facts are out there, hunger will cease, peace will be found, and everyone will have sneakers! Or, you know, maybe just like three people (myself included) will be somewhat amused. Fingers crossed.
1. I am named after Kylie Minogue and Sinead O'Connor but my mom picked different spellings of both of their names.
2. I have a serious fear of spiders, hate them, even cartoon ones freak me out.
3. I love canned peas, i sometimes eat a can for a meal.
4. I keep a sewing machine in my dorm room closet.
5. I sometimes imagine what my life would be like as a Jane Austen novel.
6. I have 10,709 songs in my iTunes, it's not enough.
7. I think I own over 500 books, give or take a few.
8. I can turn my feet backwards.
9. I can walk on my knees.
10. I have freakishly long toes, but really.
11. I was voted clumsiest in my high school graduating class, this is a title I am definitely maintaining.
12. I crack my knuckles. A lot. All of them. Toes included.
13. I like to do things that are moderately illegal.
14. I want to be really artistic but I can't draw, it's a problem.
15. I sing at absurd volumes in public places.
16. I do a spastic dancy jump thing when i get excited.
17. I'm still a little freaked out from when i thought about spiders earlier.
18. I am NOT a pharmacy major.
19. I find the color pink to be superfluous.
20. I keep my laundry quarters in a huge Vicodin bottle.
21. I will remember the night of the 20th, I will remember the night of the 20th, I will remember the night of the 20th...
Peace yo!
1. I am named after Kylie Minogue and Sinead O'Connor but my mom picked different spellings of both of their names.
2. I have a serious fear of spiders, hate them, even cartoon ones freak me out.
3. I love canned peas, i sometimes eat a can for a meal.
4. I keep a sewing machine in my dorm room closet.
5. I sometimes imagine what my life would be like as a Jane Austen novel.
6. I have 10,709 songs in my iTunes, it's not enough.
7. I think I own over 500 books, give or take a few.
8. I can turn my feet backwards.
9. I can walk on my knees.
10. I have freakishly long toes, but really.
11. I was voted clumsiest in my high school graduating class, this is a title I am definitely maintaining.
12. I crack my knuckles. A lot. All of them. Toes included.
13. I like to do things that are moderately illegal.
14. I want to be really artistic but I can't draw, it's a problem.
15. I sing at absurd volumes in public places.
16. I do a spastic dancy jump thing when i get excited.
17. I'm still a little freaked out from when i thought about spiders earlier.
18. I am NOT a pharmacy major.
19. I find the color pink to be superfluous.
20. I keep my laundry quarters in a huge Vicodin bottle.
21. I will remember the night of the 20th, I will remember the night of the 20th, I will remember the night of the 20th...
Peace yo!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Well Here We Go.
Who: Kyley Shinead Eagleson
What: My insights and general ramblings concerning the end of my junior year, my first internship, my last year of college and then, you know, life.
Where: Currently Butler University
Why: Because it seems like a swell idea.
When: Now, Then, Anytime.
What: My insights and general ramblings concerning the end of my junior year, my first internship, my last year of college and then, you know, life.
Where: Currently Butler University
Why: Because it seems like a swell idea.
When: Now, Then, Anytime.
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